Down In The Valley
by BlacksWidow
Summary: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

I married Edward on a Sunday in his families back yard, barefoot and carrying daffodils. We loved each other then. Loved each other the way only suburban kids can. Loved like we saw in the movies, like we read in books. Loved how we were taught to by the fantasies of our childhoods.

Like any couple in love, we thought our union was extraordinary. We felt as if we had moved towards each other like clouds, gliding caught in the breeze. Uncontrolled.

Together we made plans, made decisions. Decided to hit the road. Edward said we could see the country before we ended up trapped in school again. We could see all of America and isn't that romantic? To see the land laid bare before you, see it all.

"You know, with the money I have saved and our graduation and wedding money, we could do whatever we want this summer." He spoke earnestly as we lay together on the floor of his apartment senior year of undergrad in early May a week before graduation from University of Washington and two weeks before our wedding. "Instead of going somewhere for our honeymoon, we could go everywhere."

"Could we?" I asked, curious.

"Yeah, for sure. We don't need to be in Boston until August. So we'd have about 6 weeks, just us."

I hummed in response considering the idea and rolled onto my stomach. Picking up a pen to work on my final lit paper.

Edward looked at me intently then said quietly after a while "I want to do it." He reached out and began to twist my hair idly between his fingers. "I want us to go on the road and drive for days and see everything. Together."

"I don't know Edward."

"Come on Bella. Imagine it. You and me on the road together, we could see every inch of this country." He sighed like a wistful old man looking back at his youth and rolled over onto his back. "I could take pictures"

His words brought my attention. "You're a good photographer Edward."

"I know, all I need is something to take pictures of, and what other time is it possible to do this sort of thing? Come August it will be all med school all the time."

I put my head down and closed my eyes. "I still don't know."

Edward reached over to me and pulled me close to him then rolled my onto my back. He loomed over me and propped himself up on his elbows. Looking down at me he said "Bella, marry me."

"I'm already doing that." I giggled.

He laughed. "Marry me, then travel with me. After graduation, before more endless class work, do this with me."

His forehead was pressed against mine and he looked deep into my eyes then brought his lips down to meet mine.

A week later we both became graduates. My degree a bachelor of arts in english and his a bachelor of science in chemistry.

Another week after that we were married.

Edward and I got married with everyone we know watching. They said we were good together. Tall, pale boy with copper hair and his short pale girl with dark curls. His eyes were like the glass orbs made for china dolls, wet and golden and wanting as he watched me walk down the aisle.

Six days after becoming Bella Cullen, I hit the road with my new husband with the intent to write something. To write about us, the land, whatever asked me to write. On the road we discovered each others body with relish, the pent up want of four years. We asked each other why we waited and who decided that this new world of our physical life together was a sin. Who decided it was wrong for our bodies to rub against each other like sticks making a fire. We made love often and dutifully called our parents once or twice a week.

We saw the green hills of Appalachia, their moss broad stones looming above us, thick humid air circulated through our lungs. We saw the Grand Canyon, for both of us the first time in person, and realized what reruns of the Brady Bunch could never do justice for. We saw El Capitan and the rocks of California, sat on a warm flat boulder watching climbers ascent their peaks, shielding our eyes from the sun and making plans to someday do the same. We saw the great cities of America, over and over passed through them like slide images in a view finder, again and again until they became a blur and indistinguishable from the last.

We saw the small towns, the places cut off with Main Streets sleeping until the next parade. We saw sunsets before us until we reached the ocean then turned around to watch the sun rise.

We made love in Death Valley then got high and made love again. Laughing about the possibility of being caught in such a remote place and unembarrassed by the chance.

We loved without restraint or sense. Saw the world in our future and it was open like the door of a church on Sunday, welcoming and within its belly we saw those we loved waiting to take us in again and share.

**Thanks for reading. I have several chapters written and will post more if you all want to read it. Please review and let me know if you would like to see more.**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

July 25th

Edward and I are driving on the thin back roads of Red Bird Kentucky, Appalacian Country, heading west back to Forks. Alice, Edwards sister has given birth to her and her husband Jaspers first child. We'll see it about a week after everyone else. We also need to get our silver volvo tuned up. I'm not sure it's made for this kind of endless travel.

Driving down the thin mountain cut roads we pass four or five trucks and cars parked on the dirt embankment close to the pavement. Tilting my head up, I try to see where the owners of the vehicles are. Between the trees I see slivers of a brown body of water and teenagers playing. Jumping in a splashing.

Edward glances back, "must be one of those country water holes" he says with a mocking twang to his voice.

"We should turn around and go." I say. My head turns back to look at the water pass as the volvo speeds by the water hold. Looking back, I want to see more of the scene.

"Not now." He says, looking at the time. "We'll find another one some time."

Disappointed, I continue to look back as if I might see more of the water hole, and the kids playing in it. I wonder if there are rocks back there. Large red boulders that teens jump off of into deep water, risking possible injury from trees and rubish hidden beneath the mucky surface like crocodiles in a swamp. Have the youth of Red Bird always come here to swim? Is there a rope upon which to swing? Do the horseflies bite worse when you're dripping with dirty water?

I look back behind us at the road we've driven without interuption, searching for more images like i've seen in the movies. It reminds me of when we drove through Beverly Hills. The way I craned my neck to see the houses obscured by gates and hedges, trying to get a clear view with something always in the way.

Sighing, my eyes begin to grow heavy until they close.

_I am standing on a cliff at La Push looking down at the water below. I step to the edge, closer to the drop and lean over slightly trying to see what the cliff wall looks like. In the distance behind me I hear someone call my name I look back and see Edward and smile. I wave my arms over my head and shout "I'm here."_

_Edward walks slowly toward me a smile on his face. Suddenly my vision is interupted and there is a bee flying close, I try to move away from it and not thinking step back. The ground falls out from under me and I slip, my legs dangle over the cliff as I grasp at the ground. I hear Edward screaming my name but everything by my hands grasping at the group is blurry. My hands, the grass they cling to, and the bee, landing on me. I watch at it moves. Everything is in slow motion. It turns to me and stings. I can hear my breath, then the sound of the dirty sliding, then I see Edwards hands fall upon my own, crushing the bee and pulling at me desperately._

I awaken suddenly. I am in the car, Edward is next to me. Holst playing on the radio. Outside it is sunny. I breath slightly heavy and run my fingers over the top of my left hand. Just a dream I think.

"You okay Bella? You were breathing a bit heavy." Edward asks concerned.

"Just a dream. How long until Forks?"

He smiles "a couple days." Looking over at me for a moment then back to the road, he sighs "was it a dream about La Push?"

I nod and close my eyes again. Edward reaches over and takes my hand in his. He runs the rough pad of his thumb over the top of my knuckles and stops at the spot he always does. The spot where the bee had stung me and the stinger was still embedded. I don't know what I feared more that day. The bee, or the drop.

Please review and let me know what you think and if I should continue. PLEASE. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**THE BREACH **

**APRIL 7th - 1 Month Before Graduation. 1 Month and 1 Week Before The Wedding**

Edward and I return to my house early from the gathering at La Push. We are quiet. We didn't tell anyone why we were leaving, didn't tell anyone that I had nearly fallen from the cliff. We are shaken and tense.

My house is empty, my dad away on a fishing trip.

Edward follows me upstairs to my bedroom. We silently take off our coats and he turns to face me. He takes my face between his hands and looks deeply into my eyes. He sighs. "Bella" he says, touching his forehead to mine.

He steps away and strips down to his boxers. Edward walks out of the bedroom and I follow him downstairs. I watch him from the hall as he walks into the kitchen and ours himself a glass of water.

His long body in the yellow light of the kitchen calls to me like a nightingale, it sings to me and asks permission.

I walk to him, stepping out of my shoes as I go and place my hands flat upon his back and stand upon the balls of my feet to reach his neck and press my lips to the knob of his spine at the junction of his brain and body. He presses out to me and forms to my front and I reach around to touch his chest, working my way slowly down.

I turn my head to rest, cheek down, on his smooth shoulder and blindly find my way into his boxers to his cock, flaccid and cold. I work it between my hands, silently trying to build a fire that I fear will not spark. "Is this okay?" I ask.

Edward sighs and I feel his muscles fall against me and I stifle a sob as I feel his erection begin to form in my hands. He turns to face me and holds my face as he leans down and kisses me, his eyes and lips closed. "I though you were going to die" he whispers against my lips.

I pull away and look into his pained expression, I bite my lip for a moment. "I need you." I say.

"The wedding isn't too long off now." He shakes his head.

"Please," I say, "please, no more time." Between my hands I continue to work him, we do not break eye contact and he nods slightly then slowly reaches down and lifts the hem of my dress until he can move his hand between my legs, pushing my panties aside. He does not plunge into me the way a teenage lover might, but moves slowly.

I barely move, rock back and forth slightly, enough to keep myself going. I would like to be a boat, I think. To have no decision, no course of action.

He moves from his place before me to stand behind me, I put my hands open upon the kitchen counter and close my eyes at the sensation of my underwear being pulled down my legs. I look behind me and Edward is couched to the floor. He lifts my feet one at a time to remove my undergarment. I look away before he can see me watching him. He lifts my dress as he stands positions himself at my entrance. "Are you sure?" He whispers into my ear. "Are you?" I ask.

His answer is to push slowly into me until he reaches my barrier, he takes a deep breath then pushes through quickly then holds still. His arms wrap around me and he kisses my ear and neck as he begins to move. His hands unwrap and one moves to my hip while the other rests on the counter next to my hands.

"I love you." He says. "I love you, I love you, I love you," in time with his thrusts. The mantra shortens to 'you' as his pace quickens "you, you, you, you, you, you." His release is quick and quiet, a grunted breath and "you" whispered into my hair.

We stand for several minutes. Edward becomes flaccid again and his penis slips out of me, like a lover at the door in the middle of the night. I feel his semen and my own fluids run down my legs and cannot help but be disgusted and want to clean myself. But I do not move. I am in a silent battle, waiting to see who will break time first. Who will give up and go to bed. And time has stopped for us because we do not know how to go from here to rest. I turn to face him and look into his eyes.

He looks at me with such love and gilt. "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to wait for the wedding. I didn't want our first time to," I cut him off.

"I'll see you in bed." I say, touching his cheek. I look down at the floor then back to him, "I'm okay, I just need to clean up."

He smiles at me and kisses me "I do love you, you know?" I wrap my arms around his neck and he lifts me up and I dangle from him like a piece of jewelry. He puts me down and reaches back to unwrap my arms, then walks with me out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom where he pull my dress up over my head. He kisses my hair and holds me close. I pull away and watch him lay down, "i'll be out soon." I say and go into the bathroom.

I turn on the bath then sit on the edge of the tub and cry lightly, controlled, stopping myself before I get too far. I cry for the first time that day. I cry out the pent up fear of death and loosing Edward. I cry because I had waited so long to be loved by him and we let fear rule us. I know that we have made love because we realized how little time we might have. A part of me is in a place wondering what if, what if I had died and never known the extent of Edwards touch? I shudder.

I take deep breathes and wash my legs then face. I rise from the tub and dry myself then leave the towel slung over the curtain rod and walk into the bedroom naked. Edward sleeps with his back to me and I push myself flush against him and fall asleep with my forehead pressed against his neck.

**PLEASE REVEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Waist Deep **

**August 9th - 3 weeks until the start of fall semester - Somewhere in Tennessee **

"Classes start in about a month you know." I say looking at the road before us.

"I know."

I prop my feet up on the dashboard. "I wish you wouldn't do that." Edward sighs, looking at my feet.

"I know."

Then we are quiet. This is what our life has become in these midday hours of long driving stretches. A series of silences separated by short spurts of conversation about one thing. Saying good bye. He told me as we lay in an open field together under the stars that he would not be starting school in the fall, instead he will continue to drive, continue to take pictures of the country. I tried to be understanding. Like when my mother left. When she left she told me "I'm going to go live with Phil in Florida" and I, not wanting to be difficult, supported her and said it would be okay and it was for the best.

But it wasn't, it left a hole that I felt I couldn't complain about because I had said it would be okay. So I stayed quietly supportive.

History repeats itself. Now this distance I feel with Edward as we drive east could be fixed so easily if Edward would stop holding out on me and decide to take a break from the life he is building for himself on the road. I'm afraid that is what it is, he doesn't know how to compromise. He values an aspect of our relationship that doesn't actually exist, this idea he has that the two of us can be completely independent of each other and still together. He builds distances of open fields, farm seas for miles around us, and I can't get to him.

My mother built a distance too. Convinced herself that our connection as mother and daughter was enough. I suppose in some ways it was. I felt like I was drowning in the loss of her presence. Maybe that is why I didn't cry when she drowned in the Gulf. I had already mourned and there was an embarrassing relief in being able to say that she was really gone, it was the completion of my feelings. Phil told my dad that she had waded to a point where the water was waist deep and turned to wave at Phil on the shore. A wave came and took her under. She was never a strong swimmer.

Edward breaks my thoughts. "I made arrangements for us to go to Boston a couple weeks early." He says.

I turn and look at him "really?" I ask hopefully.

He smiles a little "I thought we might want to get home base set up before you start classes."

His words kick up butterflies in my stomach and I feel their wings against my insides "is that what Boston is going to be? Base?" I ask with a smile.

"Wherever you are is base for me."

"You'll Really come back and see me often?"

"Of course, did you think I was going to drop you off and rune?"

"Not exactly." In truth I don't know what I expected. "I thought you would visit and call, but I wasn't sure how often."

"I plan to see you often. You're my wife Bella. My only. I need to see you."

Edward takes my hand and holds it in his lap and I am lulled to sleep. I dream of California and the coast. I dream of waves hitting the sand slowly and silently. I used to dream of the beach all the time, but it has been a while since my subconcious allowed me to hear the sound of the water.

Time passes slowly when you drive. A few hours feels like days and Edward wakes me from my sleep and I look around. It is night outside and the deep blue sky is full of perfect starts and blinking satellites chasing each other through space.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"Somewhere on the edge of Tennessee." He says. I look out the front window, then the sides. There is open country for miles around the road we are stopped on, land so open that I can see the horizon line. Edward gets out of the Volvo and I follow him. Stretching, I look up and see the moon high in the sky and sigh.

I am startled by Edward, who stands close to me and whispers "I have a surprise." He takes my hand and pulls me away from the van into the grass and trees. I walk behind him slowly looking around and the open country with apprehension.

"Is it safe back here?" I ask.

"Probably not." Edward says with a smile in his voice. "Probably tons of bears or something."

"Not funny."

The trees become sparser and we begin to walk through a filed of grass. "You're checking me for ticks later." I grouse.

A couple minutes walking through the field and we come to a small lake. It's surface is like glass in the night, the still pool reflecting the moon and stars and sky as they are above, but darker. The blues of night become oil slick black in the water and I am lost in its void. I stand a few feet away from the edge of the water and Edward stand next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

"I saw a water spot on the GPS and took a chance." Edward says quietly. "I promised you we would stop at a water hole."

I look over at him and he is smiling. I look back to the pool and imagine jumping in and get a vision of jumping into space and floating breathless in the antigravity. Edward steps away from me and being to take off his shirt, revealing his smooth lean body to the night.

I take a step back from him. "You want to swim here?" I ask.

He heels off his shoes. "I want to skinny dip here." Edward pulls his socks off his feet and stuffs them into his shoes.

"What if this is someone's property?"

He is pulling down his pants now. "Probably is." Boxers are gone.

"What if they come out here?"

"Look around Bella, this is like the outer Siberia of someone's property."

He walks naked to the waters edge and looks over his shoulder at me "I don't think anyone is going to be coming out here."

"What about leeches or other stuff like that?"

He bends down and touches the water with his fingers then straightens and walks the yard or so it takes to get back to me. Bushing my hair out of my face he looks at me with a glint of mirth in his marble eyes. "I'll check every inch of you when we get out." He kisses me hard, holding me close against his naked body and half arousal then stops abruptly, smiles at me, turns, and walks back to the water and slowly steps in. "Not too deep." He looks back at me and I can hear the smile in his voice. "Not too cold."

**Please review. If I get a review I will post the next chapter, which is the continuation of this one. If you want to see what goes down in the water, please review.**

**THANKS!**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Waist Deep Part II**

**August 9th - 3 weeks until the start of fall semester - Somewhere in Tennessee **

_He bends down and touches the water with his fingers then straightens and walks the yard or so it takes to get back to me. Bushing my hair out of my face he looks at me with a glint of mirth in his marble eyes. "I'll check every inch of you when we get out." He kisses me hard, holding me close against his naked body and half arousal then stops abruptly, smiles at me, turns, and walks back to the water and slowly steps in. "Not too deep." He looks back at me and I can hear the smile in his voice. "Not too cold."_

Slowly, I remove my clothing and walk to the waters edge. Peter watches me as I pull my hair back out of my face and put it in a pony tail.

Toes first, I step into the water and take steady steps toward him, I can feel pond muck between my toes. The water is much higher on me than on him, stopping just bellow my breasts.

I stand in front of Edward and he reaches out for me, sliding his hand along the waters surface to my body, where he touches me. Skin, air, and water intersect.

"See," he says. "Not too bad."

Looking up at him I shake my head. He continues to skim the waters surface with his hand for a moment then lifts his wet fingers up and drips water onto my breasts. "You know," he starts, "I read a story once about women in Spain." He bends his legs so that we are closer in height and as he speaks he continues to run his hand through the pond and leisurely lift his fingers and drip water onto my chest and shoulders. He does not look at my face while he speaks. Intently, he watches the water drip onto my body.

He continues to speak quietly. "I read this story once about women in Spain during wartime."

"Which war?"

"Don't know, doesn't make a difference. The women, when their husbands and loves were coming home from war, would wade out into the ocean at night when the water was cold." He lifts his hands and wipes at the droplets on my breasts then he lowers his hands into the water again to drip more. "They believed that walking out into the cold water would shrink up their parts, you know their vaginas. That way they could properly welcome their loves home."

He continues to drip water on me and I lift my hand and do the same to him. Then he splashes me and submerges himself completely underwater. I look around trying to find him in the dark water around me, wary as if he is a shark beneath the surface.

Looking to the shore I imagine my mother, with hair long down to her waist, is standing with her back to me and in front of her there is a beach. She turns for a moment to look at me and she is naked from the waist up and her breasts are large and heavy. Her skin is darkened from the Florida sun and her eyes brown. She looks nothing like herself, but I know it is her. The way all children recognize their parents.

I feel Edward rise from beneath the ponds surface behind me and he wraps his arms around my body, taking my breast in one hand and my submerged abdomen in the other. He leans down and quietly begins to kiss at the junction of my neck and shoulder. I turn my head to give him better access, but continue to watch the vision of my mother upon the beach.

She wears a long white skirt and turns back away from me and slowly walks down the beach to water. In the water before her I see several old women waist deep in the water with their long hair wrapped around their hands dipping it into the ocean then wringing it out as Edwards hand upon my stomach begins to travel down past my navel.

His body drifts further down and I imagine that his knees must be bent at a strong angle to reach me the way that he is, but his weight is carried by the water and he does not try to lift me.

He takes a hold of my pelvic bone for a moment then slides his fingers through my pubic hair and down into the valley. He nips at my ear. "My favorite place." He says.

But I cannot look away from the scene I imagine before me. My mother walks toward the women in the water before her but does not stop to stand with them. Instead she continues to walk further and further out to sea until she is submerged and I can no longer see her. I gasp lightly when she disappears below the surface and release my weight against Edwards body.

Edward begins to support my weight completely as my legs give out and I am floating, pressed against him as he explores underwater caves with his fingers. He rolls and plucks at me. It was like this when my mother died. We lay on the floor of my dorm room together while he plied me with words. His mouth did not stop whispering reasurrance then and I drowned in his eyes.

Laying against Edward in the water while he rolls and plucks at me, I feel completion come at me like a wave and it startles me so I force it away. I cannot be completed. I try to find inspiration, I try to find lust. But in the water I am too close to my mother, I am lost in her memory, but she did not want me and I cannot forget.

I give up and stiffen against Edward, breathing heavy, panting like a dog I toss my head to the side. I reach my hand up and back lacing it into his hair. Gripping and pulling at his wet scalp. I gasp for air and say "more."

Edwards pace quickens, bolstered by my actions. "More," I say. "Faster. There, oh god. Please." I breath quick. "Yes, yes." Then I finish with a gasp, unable to decide what else to say and not wanting to continue our dance any longer.

I release my muscles and Edward braces me against him. Are women born with a knowledge of pretending? I wonder. I wonder if we are born with the innate ability to breath and blink and fake an orgasm. Or do we learn it? Is it love that drives us to never want to show our unfullfilled faces to those me adore? If we learn it, where do we learn it so well?

"Do you want to go?" Edward asks after a few minutes. I turn to face him.

"Do you want me to do anything for you?" I ask.

"You already did." He leans down and kisses me then walks back to the shore. I follow behind him. Standing in the grass at the waters edge. "Do you think that's what Renee was doing?" I ask, looking out to the water.

"Hmm?"

"That thing you were saying about parts and the women in Spain. Sounds like something she would do. Maybe Phil was away for a game and she wanted to be fresh for him." I cannot help but say the words snidely. "She wasn't young like him."

"I don't know." Edward says. He reaches out and touches my cheek then picks up his pants and pulls them on with a small struggle and I laugh when he nearly falls down.

I look to the water again for a pensive moment then say quietly enough that Edward doesn't hear me. "I don't miss her. It only hurts because she left me. I don't miss her."

I turn and begin to dress, shimmying into my black tee shirt and panties quickly, leaving my bra on the grass next to my shoes. I try pulling my jean back on but am too wet. I shiver. "I can't get these on. I need to dry off more."

"Edward is already dressed and pulling on his socks. "Just carry them."

"I'm not going to walk back to the car without pants."

He stands up straight. "I'll carry you."

"No."

"Come on Bella, no one is around. Let's just go. We'll make a run for it."

I huff and Edward smiles in the dark. I laugh and relent, pulling my socks on then my shoes. Edward looks down at my feet. "You should tie those."

I shove my jeans into Edwards hands and bend over. I tie both shoes with a double knot then stand upright and take my jeans back.

Edward has a gleam in his eyes. He is loving this too back. "You ready to go?" He asks.

His attitude is infectious and I am overcome by an odd excitement at the prospect of running through some random country side in Tennessee, half naked and wet. Taking my hand, Edward begins to run, slowly at first, then quickening our pace to an all out dash.

We run fast back the way we came. "Wait." I pull Edward to a stop but he keeps running. "I forgot my bra." I call out continuing to try and stop us to turn around.

"I'll buy you a new one." He says, pulling back to run behind him. I look back over my shoulder. My mother is back there, I think. I look back ahead to Edward pulling me behind him. Out of sight out of mind. She is gone and I don't miss her.

I'll never leave Edward. I'm not my mother. I tighten my grip on the jean in my hand.

Sigh. Someone in Tennessee there is a black bra waiting by the water.

**Please review. If I get a review I will post the next chapter, which is the continuation of this one. If you want to see what goes down in the water, please review.**

**THANKS!**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**The Ghost**

**October 15th - 2 months after moving to Boston, the last night before Edward leaves to do more shooting on the road.**

Boston is a horrible place.

I hate it desperately, and am growing to hate it more with each day I come closer to Edward leaving. Fall begins to descend upon the land and I feel as if it is a personal attack. Crossing campus back to Edward and my apartment, my shoulders are hunched as if in defense from some unseen force that I cannot explain but feel. My skin is electric and my mind is full. Loneliness is a worm in an apple, burrowing to the core then drowning in sweetness.

The worm is borrowing into me and I never thought it possible, but I am lonely in anticipation for Edward leaving. Tonight is our last night. We need more. I need more.

Edward and I go out and spend a heavy evening avoiding the inevitable parting. We walk home silently.

Inside the apartment I walk to the dresser and stand in front of it. I begin to take off my earrings Edward got me for our wedding. He comes to stand behind me. I stop, holding one of the small pearl studs in my hand. I bring both hands up to my chest and clutch at it as if Edward is going to take it.

He wraps his arm around me and places it upon my two hands pressing the pearl into my chest. My weight falls against him and he takes it as an invitation and his other hand wraps around my body and comes to rest on my belly.

His hand moves down, figertips fist to my crotch and he suddenly presses firmly against me, pushing my black dress between my legs. He begins to rub at me hard and slow. He breaths heavy into my hair and grinds his erection against me. He holds my hands closer to my chest. I push against him in frustration, wanting more contact or none at all.

"I don't want to hurt you." Edward says in a heavy breath. "I need you too much right now."

"Take what you want."

Quickly he pushes away from me and pulls me by the arm, snapping me onto the bed behind us. I hold my earring tight in a fist to keep from losing it. Edward is upon me, his pants undone. My dress is pushed up fast and my underwear pulled down my legs and he is inside me pushing, plunging, shaking my organs loose. His movements are hard and push me up the bed and he follows, drilling me into the sheets and pillows and finally the headboard.

I move my free hand above me and press away from the hard wood to keep my head from hitting. Edward is merciless. He is a survivor of the Titanic out in the open ocean grabbing desperately to a lifeboat without concern for capsizing it. He is without care, a machine.

The sensible part of me is distraught and screams in the corner of my mind, too much this is too much. I am being fucked. Edward is running full force into me. "Harder, fuck me harder." I shout.

He comes suddenly and falls onto me, face first into a pillow next to my head. I become aware of a stinging sensation in my hand and I lift my arm up above Edwards back and open my fingers. My palm is flushed and there is a spot of red, I tiny pin point from the earring being driven into my skin, and the pearl is pink, smudged with blood.

We lay together and I stare at the ceiling, mentally making lists of how I can fix my life from here, how can I live without this man laying on me. I wonder where Edward is going tomorrow. Perhaps on the road in Tennessee, his favorite roads are all in Tennessee, I never understood why. He loved the way it smelled there and when he could drive down an old back water road with some scenery flowing outside the window he was a content man.

When he was especially happy as we drove, Edward would tell me by placing his hand on my leg. I would look over at him and he would steal a look at me, turing his eyes briefly from the road before us. He would smile and do a quick glance back at the road then lean into me and give me a kiss on the lips if I was ready for him or the cheek if I wasn't.

Edward steals me from my thoughts. "What do we do now?" He asks. He rolls off of me and I turn over on my side.

"I think we sleep." I say. "Then tomorrow you go and we count the days until you come back."

"I love you Bella." He whispers. "You are so much."

"I wish you wouldn't go."

"I know. But I promise this is all worth it. I'll take my pictures. I'll make a book. I'll make you happy."

"I trust you." I begin too feel tears in my eyes. "Everything feels so off. It doesn't feel like you're leaving but at the same time it feels like goodbye."

Edward touches my face. "No matter where I go, you and I will end up together. I promise. I will always come back."

Early in the morning, Edward kisses me like an amorous ghost, soft on the lips. "Sleep," he says. "It's early." He touches my cheek then turns and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

Briefly, like a child on a school day morning, I drift off to a place near sleep. A quiet room pitch black and full of pillow fluff. But a time later, I can't know how long I've been sleeping once I've been there, I shock upright and bound naked from the bed.

"How can I sleep when you're leaving?" I ask as I open the bedroom door. But I am met by an empty apartment.

I walk into the kitchen and find a note stuck to the fridge with a magnet.

_Oh god it's wonderful_

_to get out of bed_

_and drink too much coffee_

_and smoke too many cigarettes_

_and love you so much_

The words are written in Edwards clean print.

The angry abandoned woman in me is too offended by the fact that Edward could not write his own words and relies upon a quote to express himself to me. I leave the note on the fridge and shiver slightly, then walk back to the bedroom. I pick an extra large sweater of Edwards up off the floor and pull it over my head and it falls down to my knees on my short body. I sit down on the bed then lower onto my side. Pick up my phone and look at the time. 9:04, it changes to 9:05 as I read it.

This is why children fear sleep, I think. Sleep can be like a brief stroke or amnesia, a loss on the edge of ones understanding, an eternity lost to nothing. The world can fall away when you sleep, there were probably a thousand people sleeping when the bomb hit Hiroshima. It disorients and aids in loss and unguarded change. It takes infants and the old.

In return for the loss, sleep rarely fills your cup and it is never enough.

Something must give, because this is not life.

**Please review. If I get a review I will post the next chapter, which is the continuation of this one. If you want to see what goes down in the water, please review.**

**THANKS!**

**Poem is a quote from Pablo Neruda**

**This is the point where the story becomes a bit dark. Hopefully you like it.**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer and into the future. It may be confusing at first, but I swear all holes are filled and sticking with it is worth it.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Him But Not**

**November 12 - FIVE YEARS LATER. C-ART Gallery New York City, Edward has been gone four and a half years. He went missing on the road. But We'll see that later. Now it is later and Bella is older and has found herself at a gallery.**

I don't know why I came out. Strike that, I do, Angela convinced me to come out. She told me I don't get out enough. But why am I here? At a gallery opening for some man's photography. I don't want to see photos.

Making my way around the room, I don't pay much attention to the art until I come to something I rocognize. I am statue still and staring at the photo before me. It's me. I know it. It is the only photo Edward took of me. It was the first day of our time on the road, the only time he tried to shoot me because I turned away and wouldn't let him see my face. The photo is of the back of my neck as I look out the car window at the last stop light in Forks before hitting the open road.

I gasp and turn and search the gallery. I look at all the people standing around eating finger foods and drinking wine. I begin to walk quickly about the gallery, looking rapidly between the photos on the wall and at the people. Then I spot him.

"Edward?" I whisper, barely a sound coming off my lips.

The man who looks like Edward looks toward me and he narrows his eyes and tilts his head in confusion. He is standing with a small group who also look at me. My gaze is met by five sets of identical eyes. A beautiful blond standing to the man's right says something to him and he shakes his head and shrugs.

Tears begin to fill my eyes. It isn't Edward, his eyes are not my Edwards pools. He looks so much like him, but different. I feel the tear roll down my cheek and wipe it away. I turn away then walk swiftly to the exit.

As I exit I think I hear steps behind me. I walk faster and go several blocks into darker parts of the city. Two men come out from an alley and begin to follow me. "Hey baby, you lost?" One of them says. I do not respond but walk faster. One of the men grabs my arm but before he can turn me around or say anything, before I can think to be afraid, the men are gone, have disappeared somewhere in a rush that sounds like a blast of wind.

I look into the night and breathe heavily. Then I see a man walking slowly toward me out of an alley. "What are you thinking walking alone at this time of night." He says with annoyance.

My eyes become wide as he approaches and I cannot stop myself from running toward him. I throw my arms around his neck.

"I know it's not you" I say as tears start to fill my eyes. "But where did you get the picture? Where did you get your face? I know you're him, but what is wrong with your eyes? You're not him?" I pull away and look into the mans face and place my hands on his cheeks. They are ice cold and he looks at me with confusion mixed with something else, something more complicated, a half recognition.

He looks at me deeply as if he is trying to remember a word he has forgotten.

"What is your name?" I ask after gaining some composure.

"Edward." He says.

"But not Masen?"

His eyes become wide, "no, no, I'm Edward Cullen. Not Masen."

I step back. "Where did you get the picture of me?"

He says nothing. Confusion still waring over his features. My face contorts in pain, my heart is breaking again. "You're not him, but you are. I know you. How could I forget? But you have. Give me closure, please if you're just going to forget me, give me something leave with."

I turn when he says nothing and take a couple steps before I hear him say "I'll give you anything you need."

"Where did you get my picture?"

"It was on my camera."

"Oh Edward." I take a step back to him and he flinches. I stop. "Don't you remember? Do you know me?"

"I don't know."

"We were." I sigh. "How do I say this? There was so much time. That's not enough. How do I explain?"

"Just tell me how it comes to you."

I shake my head. "No, I couldn't." Looking at him, my lips part and I breathe deeply, then let it out. My body rests into the air. "My picture, it was on the wall at the gallery, it was on your camera?"

He nods.

"But you don't know where it's from? You don't remember?" I ask, anguished.

"No," he says sadly. "Tell me what you think it is?"

"Me. Taken by my husband. My Edward. My love. We were too young."

"Tell me more. About the photos. There are only some I know. The ones I like the most are the one's I can't explain. They always hurt me to see, I don't know why."

"You don't know? Could you be him?"

"I don't know."

"You and I. Or he and I. We traveled. We got married and drove all summer until I started school and he went back out on the road to shoot more pictures." I want to tell him everything. There is this want in me to tell him that there were valleys in our days together. That's what it was. That's what they were.

Dead times when I would be sitting in the passenger seat watching the road come at us. Edward would turn off the satellite radio to see if he could pick up a local radio station. And something about it. Something about the sound of the channels flipping through, felt so empty. In my mind left unentertained, left to fend for itself in finding thought I heard in the changing sounds open air. It was lonely.

"Why did you follow me?" I ask.

"When you were in the gallery. Something about you. I saw you. Then you turned away and I knew you were the one in the photo. I couldn't not follow."

In those valleys, in the dead times of day, I could see dust in the sunlight, I could feel the heat begin to rise as the afternoon took over the day. I could imagine locusts were buzzing somewhere while grass turns brown, outlining patches of thick green shaded by trees.

"And what do you think? Now that we are here and don't know me."

"But I do know you, you're her."

Those valleys always came when we were in the open parts of the driving routes, the long boring viewless roads. In those valleys I could sense danger, like a deer tentatively approaching the open for fear of hunters, and I could see us drowning.

"But if I'm her and you took the picture, you are someone I thought was dead."

"Maybe I am dead."

"So should I pretend that you're the ghost of my dead husband?" I say coldly "I know you are him."

I would imagine water crashing over the surrounding hills of days and overtaking us in the dead hours. No passion, no art, no depth or meaning, just death cruel and anonymous.

"I don't know if I am him," He says "I don't remember. People change a lot when they're young. We didn't change together I guess."

"What does that mean? You were my husband. Are my husband. I couldn't love after you. I tried. But nothing. I love you."

It would have been an easy delight to drown with Edward in those dead days. But there were too many things I wanted to do before I died.

I turn and begin to walk away from this Edward, my Edward only not. Everything I love. I walk away with my newly opened wound.

Suddenly I feel something sharp, then I feel lighter and everything goes black.

**Please review. If I get a review I will post the next chapter. Things are getting weird and dark.**

**THANKS!**


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the character concept. However I own the story in which the name lay.**

**RATING: M for Sexual Situations and Light Drug Use**

**SUMMARY: It is June in Edward and Bella's mean time between college and graduate school. Newly married they embark on a road trip that takes them across the country, to oceans, lakes, mountains, rocks and down into the valley.**

**Story is told in the first person from Bella's point of view. Story is all human and slightly OOC. Also, the story is not linear. It will jump to different points of the summer and into the future. It may be confusing at first, but I swear all holes are filled and sticking with it is worth it.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**THE PINK PEARL**

**November 14 – Two Days Later. Mount Sinai Hospital.**

I wake up disoriented in a hospital bed and look over to find Edward sitting next to me. I look up at the ceiling quickly. "What am I doing here?"

"You were hurt."

"I don't remember that. What happened."

"I don't know how to explain" he says quietly. I look over at him and we sit in silence for hours after I awake. Neither of us willing to take the first word and nothing to say.

The air feels heavy and my neck is sore.

The doctor comes in and I hardly pay attention as he and Edward talk. "She can go home today" the doctor, a young looking man with very pale skin and blonde hair says. "You'll be taking her?" Edward nods. "Are you sure?" The doctor asks, an edge to his voice that makes no sense. Edward nods again.

Edward gives me my clothes from the gallery, my dress, heels and earrings and turns around to give me privacy to change. "You don't have to look away" I say.

"I can't look at you right now. It's too much."

"Try."

He turns and we stare each other down as I remove my hospital gown and put on my dress. I then stand before him dressed and ready to check out. "What time is it?" I ask. "10:00 p.m." he says. "I'll walk you home."

My paperwork complete we walk together to my apartment and I do not question why Edward know the way to my place. He follows me into the building then waits next to my door. "Come in Edward, please."

He follows me to my bedroom and I am motivated to shut the door, as if privacy in an apartment where I live alone is necessary, something feels secret. Something feels unsaid.

I stand in front of the dresser and begin to take off my earrings and Edward comes to stand behind me. I stop, holding the small pear stud he gave me 6 years ago as wedding gift in my hand and bring both hands to my chest, clutching the small pearl as if Edward might take it. He wraps his arms arm around me and places it upon my two hands pressing the pearl into my chest. My weight falls against him and he takes it as an invitation and his other hand wraps around my body and comes to rest on my belly.

His hand moves down, fingertips fist to my crotch and he suddenly presses firmly against me, pushing my black dress between my legs. He begins to rub me, hard and slow and breathes heavy into my hair, grinding his erection against me. He holds my hands closer to my chest. I push against him in frustration, wanting more contact or none at all.

Quickly he pushes away from me and pulls me by the arm, snapping me onto the bed behind us. I hold my earring tight in a fist to keep from loosing it.

Edward is upon me, his pants undone. My dress is pushed up fast and my underwear pulled down my legs and he is inside me pushing, plunging, shaking my organs loose. His movements are hard and push me up the bed as he follows, drilling me into the sheets and pillows and finally the headboard. We travel fast and hard and breathless.

I move my free hand above my head and press away from the hard wood to keep myself from crashing into the board. Edward is merciless. He is a survivor of the Titanic out in the open ocean grabbing desperately to a lifeboat without concern for capsizing it. He is cold to the touch and his eyes look into mine, black and hard.

The sensible part of me is distraught and screams from the corner of my mind. I am being fucked and I want it to stop because I have too many questions of this man I can't stop loving. So help me time will not kill that part of my heart. I can't stop needing anything he will give me and I have been so lonely for so long.

So many questions and all I can say is "fuck me harder, Edward, take from me."

He comes after a few more hard thrusts and falls onto me, face first into a pillow next to my head. I become aware of a stinging sensation in my hand and I lift my arm up above Edwards back and open my fingers. My palm is flushed and there is a spot of red, a tiny pin point of it from the earring being driven into my skin, the pearl is pink, smudged with blood.

Edward lifts his head quickly "You're bleeding" he says desperately. I do not know how he knows, he could not possibly see. He rises from me at lightening pace and presses himself against the wall. "Wash, Bella. Please."

I rise from the bed bewildered and go to the bathroom to do as he says. Then return and stand in the doorway looking at Edward. "Are you okay?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath and looks at the floor. Nods. "I'll be fine."

I walk over to the bed and strip off my dress then lay down. Laying alone for several minutes until he joins me.

We lay together and I stare at the ceiling, mentally making lists of how we could fix our life. I wonder where Edward has been. Perhaps on the road. Maybe he got lost in Tennessee. His favorite roads were in Tennessee, I never understood why. He loved the way it smelled there and when he could drive down an old back water road with some scenery flowing outside the window he was a content man.

When he was especially happy as he drove he would tell me by placing his hand on my leg. I would look over at him and he would steal a look at me, turning his eyes briefly from the road before us. He would smile and do a quick glance back at the road then lean to me and give me a kiss on the lips if I was ready for him, the cheek if I wasn't.

"What do we do now?" I ask.

"We can't figure anything out right now." He says. "Go to sleep. Talks for tomorrow."

He spoons against me and holds my body close. I try to match his breathing but it is too slow. I go to sleep thinking that he is so cold and wondering if he had always been this way.

**SORRY FOR THE DELAY ON UPDATING! It's been busy with a move. But I will try to be more regular now.**

**Review motivate me!**


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